Thursday, December 01, 2011

The Twelve Days of a Ridiculous Christmas--For Christians!

With my apologies to those hardcore faithful readers of mine who remember these items from a series of posts in the archives from 2006, I would like to present, as we begin the month of December--that traditional time when far too many Americans lose all sense of logic, reason and good taste--a sampling of ridiculosity. (My spell checker says ridiculosity isn't a word, but I want it to be a word, so I'm leaving it as is.)

These are all real products. Seriously. They are marketed to Christians who want to make sure they are remembering the real reason for the season. Items like these aren't hard to find, either. You know that catalog of generally dumb and cheap imported-from-the-Orient items? Yes, that one. You know what I'm talking about. All of these items came from there--from their "inspirational" line.

Do you feel inspired?

Somehow, I'm thinking they're trying so hard to figure out what Christians want, but they've still missed the mark. Have a look. And a laugh. And then a good cry, perhaps, because these things wouldn't be filling up the pages of their catalog unless there was a market for them.

Note: If these items are your idea of cute and you were considering buying them by the dozen for your Sunday School class of kids at church, I don't mean to totally offend. A little bit, perhaps, but not totally. We will just have to disagree on this one.


On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two Vinyl Bendable "Jesus is Deer to Me" Reindeer, and a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, three Religious Candy Cane Pacifiers (fat free!), two Vinyl Bendable "Jesus is Deer to Me" Reindeer, and a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, four Vinyl Nativity Rubber Duckies, three Religious Candy Cane Pacifiers (fat free!), two Vinyl Bendable "Jesus is Deer to Me" Reindeer, and a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, five "Jesus Loves You Snow Much" Soccer Balls! Four Vinyl Nativity Rubber Duckies, three Religious Candy Cane Pacifiers (fat free!), two Vinyl Bendable "Jesus is Deer to Me" Reindeer, and a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, six Resin Snowman Nativities, five "Jesus Loves You Snow Much" Soccer Balls! Four Vinyl Nativity Rubber Duckies, three Religious Candy Cane Pacifiers (fat free!), two Vinyl Bendable "Jesus is Deer to Me" Reindeer, and a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, seven Plastic "Clap for the Lord!" Clappers, six Resin Snowman Nativities, five "Jesus Loves You Snow Much" Soccer Balls! Four Vinyl Nativity Rubber Duckies, three Religious Candy Cane Pacifiers (fat free!), two Vinyl Bendable "Jesus is Deer to Me" Reindeer, and a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, eight Transparent Vinyl Religious Mini Water Tubes with Glitter, seven Plastic "Clap for the Lord!" Clappers, six Resin Snowman Nativities, five "Jesus Loves You Snow Much" Soccer Balls! Four Vinyl Nativity Rubber Duckies, three Religious Candy Cane Pacifiers (fat free!), two Vinyl Bendable "Jesus is Deer to Me" Reindeer, and a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, nine Cotton "Jingle for Jesus" Baseball Caps, eight Transparent Vinyl Religious Mini Water Tubes with Glitter, seven Plastic "Clap for the Lord!" Clappers, six Resin Snowman Nativities, five "Jesus Loves You Snow Much" Soccer Balls! Four Vinyl Nativity Rubber Duckies, three Religious Candy Cane Pacifiers (fat free!), two Vinyl Bendable "Jesus is Deer to Me" Reindeer, and a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, ten Plush Long Arm Religious Gorillas, nine Cotton "Jingle for Jesus" Baseball Caps, eight Transparent Vinyl Religious Mini Water Tubes with Glitter, seven Plastic "Clap for the Lord!" Clappers, six Resin Snowman Nativities, five "Jesus Loves You Snow Much" Soccer Balls! Four Vinyl Nativity Rubber Duckies, three Religious Candy Cane Pacifiers (fat free!), two Vinyl Bendable "Jesus is Deer to Me" Reindeer, and a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, eleven Foam Marshmallow Nativity Craft Kits, ten Plush Long Arm Religious Gorillas, nine Cotton "Jingle for Jesus" Baseball Caps, eight Transparent Vinyl Religious Mini Water Tubes with Glitter, seven Plastic "Clap for the Lord!" Clappers, six Resin Snowman Nativities, five "Jesus Loves You Snow Much" Soccer Balls! Four Vinyl Nativity Rubber Duckies, three Religious Candy Cane Pacifiers (fat free!), two Vinyl Bendable "Jesus is Deer to Me" Reindeer, and a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, twelve Resin Holy Hoppers Ornaments, eleven Foam Marshmallow Nativity Craft Kits, ten Plush Long Arm Religious Gorillas, nine Cotton "Jingle for Jesus" Baseball Caps, eight Transparent Vinyl Religious Mini Water Tubes with Glitter, seven Plastic "Clap for the Lord!" Clappers, six Resin Snowman Nativities, five "Jesus Loves You Snow Much" Soccer Balls! Four Vinyl Nativity Rubber Duckies, three Religious Candy Cane Pacifiers (fat free!), two Vinyl Bendable "Jesus is Deer to Me" Reindeer, and a Santa hugging Baby Jesus.



Honestly, can you read that final list without gagging, just a little bit, at what we as a culture are willing to substitute for a genuine faith in Jesus?

There must be something more.

What do you do to make Christmas significant for your family, helping them to stay in touch with the amazing gift of God-in-a-Bod, the mighty creator and king of the universe humbled to the form of a helpless babe, entering our world through the birth canal to be subjected to all the humiliation of humanity at its best...and worst?

5 comments:

Shelly said...

Wait - why are the gorillas considered religious? Did I miss something in my systematic theology book...?

Deb Chitwood said...

I'm having a hard time deciding which "gift" is worst! Resin snowman nativities or "Jingle for Jesus"? Thanks for the laugh and thought-provoking post! :)

Susie G. said...

Painful. I remember, several years ago, seeing "Testamints" for the first time -- little individually wrapped mints with scripture verses on them, also "Scripture Tea" -- tea bags with Bible verses. Honestly, is this why Jesus came and died?

But, I guess we should feel blessed that we live in a country where religious freedom is allowed -- if we lived under persecution, we certainly wouldn't be seeing cheesy stuff like this.

Sherry C said...

Susie, I don't know. If we lived under religious persecution, I think we would take our faith a little more seriously. Not that I'm asking for persecution, but I do think the casual attitude and this cheesy misuse of the Gospel message is not helping the American Church AT ALL.

Stefanie Brown said...

Visiting from Thought Provoking Thursday...

Honestly, as looked at each photography, I giggled. I am thankful, however, of others strong intentions on keeping Christ in Christmas.